Trying overly hard to please someone else is a devil’s game. Carried to an extreme it’s a lose/lose proposition. Guess what, the result is always the same. You are going to be the one losing and in turn all those who could benefit from your talents, art, commitment and work ethic are going to be short-changed in the process.
Choosing not to be a “people pleaser” doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be compassionate and forgiving. Of course, we should. We are compassionate and forgiving because it is the right thing to do. Forgiveness and compassion strengthen you and builds character. This strength moves you to confidence and paves the way for your unique and original expression.
What I’m talking about is when we move against the flow of our consciousness to validate someone else’ ego. Pleasing others only becomes a problem when we try to conform to their ideas, opinions, or even demands at the expense of our originality.
There are times where we have all felt like we had no alternative except to work on behalf or for the naked self-interest of someone else, and against our beliefs or core values. Opposing the temptation of people pleasing requires personal resolve to follow-thru. When fixated on the demands of another person we miss what is already there. The value of YOU remains hidden and unexpressed.
When we strive to please others, we dilute the best part; your originality.
Follow your heart, keep your curiosity alive. Be an active adventurer in your world and deliver your originality to all of the relationships in your life. Listen, debate, and freely offer your thoughts and ideas.
Being open to debate and alternatives does not mean that you have to compromise your originality. Today’s commitment to your feelings, thoughts, dreams and goals lays the groundwork for the courage and resolve that you take into your tomorrow.
Be an original YOU ~ Think World Class
Anytime you hear someone start off with “I just gotta be honest with you” or the other favorite “I’m just telling you the truth; you need to hear this” stop hold your breath and listen very carefully.
This is often a red flag preamble to some kind of passive aggressive judgment thinly veiled as an undisputable truth. Someone may be about to make the ultimate sacrifice and take it upon themselves to unselfishly correct you, at your expense. Generally the correction is according to their undeniable perception of the world and they have decided that you are wrong and must be righted.
Don’t misunderstand me; every one of us is a prisoner of our own perceptions and deceptions, it is how we typically get through our day.
These perceptions become toxic criticism when the sole purpose of the judgment is to enhance the status of the observer at the expense of the one being corrected. This is not about constructive criticism or debate it is about calling someone out.
World Class performers are detached from the thinly veiled self-serving judgments others may have of us. The World Class know there are no bonus points in making another person wrong and that this type of judgment is primarily a self-serving method to feed a vulnerable ego.
If we choose to look at our world without judgment and without comparison there can never be any personal threat to our goals and dreams.
Choose to liberate your life, live fearlessly, see that things are just as they should be and the opinions and judgments of others are theirs and theirs alone.
It is when we start assessing value or adding up the rights and the wrongs of others, based on our individual perception that we step out of harmony and create personal conflict. When we attempt to mold or try to make a situation fit our perceived values or condemn circumstances because they do not agree with our limiting beliefs that is when we find ourselves in personal conflict.
Choose to be detached from the emotions of others, step away from toxic criticism, judgment and attack.
Choose to Think World Class.
A lot has been written about communicating with others using the process of mirroring. Mirroring the inflection, phraseology, enthusiasm and style of someone who you are communicating with is a great way to start the process of building a relationship. The number of books and articles that have been written on this subject are numerous and comprehensive so I am not going to go into details or the mechanics. Save and accept to acknowledge that the reason mirroring is so effective is that it panders to our narcissistic self; that part of each of us that we love to bits.
Mirroring is effective and it is a great strategy for dating, friendly conversation, creating new relationships, repairing old relationships or understanding motivations that we find challenging.
The one thing that mirroring is not good for is negotiating.
You can’t get to the end of a negotiation if you are both on the same side of the equation. That is just agreement; not negotiation. Negotiation attempts to facilitate a meeting of the minds by finding common ground that will move two adverse positions or previously held beliefs to a place where both parties are willing to facilitate a movement to a mutually agreeable conclusion that was not available prior to the negotiation.
The World Class knows there are two things that you can do to negotiate effectively.
First, remove emotion from the equation together with the strategy of sparingly using words like I, me, you and any other terms that may be interpreted as being self-serving. Instead, concentrate on the task, the end result that you want to move toward. Be clear regarding your objective and resolute in your delivery; understand the mechanics and the advantages. Define, WHY someone would agree to compromise, be a realist and know what the advantages are together with any downside. Be honest and direct regarding everything you know.
Stick with the facts; leave the emotions and the desire to be everyone’s best friend at the door.
World Class Thinking means you have to Think World Class.